Life as we know it

Well here I am, supposedly doing bookeeping, but instead messing around on facebook and blogging. Clearly don't feel like doing much work. Not a lot has transpired since last post, early Easter, earliest in my lifetime, came home from the farm, B got sick, a nasty headcold/bronchial type thing. Gave it to me...He was off work for a week, I was off for quite a few days also last week. Back now, but still tired out and still coughing, but slowly getting better. Managed more quality time with my books (about one every two days) computer(probably three hours or so an afternoon) and tv (about four hours a night...) ate lots of soup, drank lots of juice, water and tea. Did the trick, really. The inlaws were here last weekend, we had tickets for symphony (birthday gift for B's mum) but I didn't go. last time I went, the person beside me was coughing and sneezing all over and it was very rude and uncomfortable for me. I didn't feel I should do that to anyone. Plus didn't want the inlaws to be exposed by riding in the same car. I tried to keep my distance when they were here. Weren't here long, just overnight. guess it didn't work, as they called today and mother in law is sick. It seems to be very catchy. When B had it, I noticed that half my patrons had the same little cough when they came in. Everyone seems to have it or had it. Much like what I had in January, there was a lot of that too, very similar types of things. The funny thing was, I wasn't run down at all this time. I always anticipate falling ill when I have gotten run down or been around a lot of sick kids or whatever. I am an eye toucher, which is the quickest way to get sick. Try not to, also wash my hands an awful lot. It's funny, I am not a germophobe, think that some exposure is likely good for the antibodies, etc. Crank up the immune system. Yet you do wonder, when you think of epidemics. i mean, this was clearly very catchy. I wonder if that is what it is like in an epidemic, everyone tries not to get it, but does anyway. Of course in an epidemic, it would be fatal and only the strongest would survive. Makes you wonder about fate and destiny. Sometimes I believe in them, sometimes not. One would wonder what my mother's early death would have accomplished? What is the meaning there? All I can think of is that it made me less dependant on others, more capable. It has deeper layers of course, my relationship to the kids and how they were raised was obviously affected as is my outlook on life in general. I am always aware of how brief our lives are, we are like flames, easily put out. tiny links in a long chain. Today I was reading birth and death announcements in the paper and was struck by how quickly it is all over. One minutes we are here, hallelujah and the next minute, gone. Hopefully we have left a mark, a memory in those who follow, but after that? I knew my grandparents fairly well and yet not really at all. I could say the same about my children. If there are great grandchildren,they will likely know very little about their great grands. I myself only remember little bits about my one set of great grandparents who survived until I was almost a teenager. I suppose we have to wonder the great wonder, why are we here? I have always felt that we are here to help, to make a difference in the lives of others. But you could wonder, to what end? If the next generation remains more literate, more educated, one would hope they would have a better life and pass that on to their descendants. But again, to what end? I still sometimes wonder if we are a great ant farm. Perhaps a big experiment? I am sure this results from reading sci fi all my life, but you do have to wonder. Is there a founder? an authority? A controlling entity of any form? Or are we just random lucky bits of creation? we will likely never know, and perhaps should never know.

I guess I consider myself lucky. My parents probably made me feel like I am a special person. I think we are all special. Somedays I do great things, some days not at all. When the time comes to sum up my life, what will anyone write? That I loved music? That I was a talker? (most assuredly that might be the only thing someone might recall about me) That I cared for my fellow man? What is all this blogging for? all this writing and thinking and doing? WE cannot possibly exist for what is remembered about us, so it must be that we exist by what we do. The legacy we leave behind, for one generation at least. Maybe just to ease the life of someone else. To take part in that great chain of life, however long it becomes. To be part of the great link. Okay that is what you get for watching hours of Deep Space Nine all winter. I do think it must be the best of the Star Treks. Great actors, great writing. enjoying it very very much this winter.

I realize that spring is starting to sproing. I wish I was the gardening type. wishI was the outdoorsy type. I suspect this spring I will enjoy the outdoors to a certain extent, but not so that I will be giving up my indoor pursuits. Obviously, I am still doing this instead of the house work I have set as my task this afternoon.

Must be time to quit and get on with things. So, what am I grateful for today? Sunshine, good books, friends, getting better, fresh food and fresh air. (on the negative side, we seem to have plumbing problems in this house--there is always something, just when you think you need nothing, things break. We had some kind of leak downstairs. what fun.) But for now, I am grateful that I am not the resident fixer person. He is busy ignoring the problem for now too. But I am grateful to know that he will get at it sometime today. I am also grateful for daffodils. (cancer society fundraiser) So lovely and yellow and happy-looking. the day feels like a bright one.....