deep freeze

Well here I sit again, the lady of leisure(?), having missed two more days of work. This time due to a lovely blizzard, followed by extreme temps. Usually I don't mind extreme cold as the roads are usually good, but Monday's wind brought in an Arctic front and it is still here. Actually today, Wed. the wind is finally zero, although I think it will go back up later.

Monday my husband actually called work and said he was a chickenshit. This is new. At 6 a.m. there was no wind (I had tossed and turned all night listening for the wind and the blizzard to arrive) and the roads were fine, no snow. But for some reason he was worried. I think when the weather guys predict for the whole province, they are usually right. Although he was thinking maybe it would miss us, and I am sure we didn't get more than an edge of it. Anyway, he stayed home. I went to my a.m. job, when i left the house just before 9, it was very dampish outside, probably still fairly warm (was above freezing the day before) and there were some ice crystals in the air and the wind was getting up. By 10 or so, it was good and blizzardy. When I left at 12:30, I could only see half a block. You know when your visibility in town is bad, that the highways are impossible. Usually in town you can't even tell there is anything going on out there. So fine, no one expected me to drive in a blizzard, so had the afternoon off. watched a movie that I have had stashed for weeks. It was good, but the end of the disc was gibbled, so could only surmise the ending. rats.

Then yesterday when B's clock went off, it still looked about the same outside to me when I got up to use the bathroom. He drove off, I went back to sleep, dreaming about trying to buy him a decent winter coat with my friends E and A along for support. He was only buying thin little coats in the dream. (This after my hollering at him down the hallway to take along snow pants or at least a sleeping bag for his car)Anyway the door slammed and he was back. The entrance to the town was full of semis (if they are pulling over you know it is bad) and I guess there were 5 of them in the ditch within the first 7 miles of here. So he turned around and came back after seeing a semi's lights disappear into the blowing snow. Phoned in, crawled back into bed and slept till noon.....

When I got up the sun was trying to shine, but the wind was still blowing. I checked the highway hotline and it said travel not recommended along most of our highway. I decided the odds of that changing anytime soon were not so good, so I phoned in. So nice not to get hollered at. So nice to have a boss who at one time commuted herself and understands. I did, however, ask her if she thought I don't want to work in January or what? After all, I have really only worked about a week so far this month. First, holidays for a week, then I worked a week and got sick, and now the weather, so I have really only worked a week and a day so far this month. Weird.

Had to get dressed and go out yesterday to change some posters; we had planned a program here, which I was not going to be here for (as I would normally have been at work) but my board chair called HQ to say the weather was not good and could we please cancel. So after a few phone calls, the program is postponed a couple weeks, and I had to go out and change the posters. I took B's car, which I hate to drive in winter but was only a couple blocks and had already been warmed up yesterday (albeit 6 hrs previous) and was cleaned off of snow. I love Saturns, I know it was plugged in, but it started like a dream, no complaint, in spite of about -45 windchill. Tested my new coat, sounded crackly but was warm enough for the few seconds I was outside between car and buildings. I was back in about 20 min, but felt like I had done something major, breathing heavily. Managed to drop some mail that slid under the car (fat warm leather mitts, wonderfully warm, but not easy to grasp anything) but nothing too important. Spent the afternoon making biscotti and playing scrabble on this computer while they baked, what fun.
Manged to squeak in an hour of Cor. St. on tape before making supper. Tried making fried potatoes, which I haven't done in years, and broiled little filets wrapped with bacon. Big treat. However, I am not a good broiler or fryer, as the soaking utensils still proclaim in their blackness. At least the fire alarm didn't go off, which it usually does when I try to fry. I love my oven and my crock pot...wet cooking, that is my style.....I am sure when the fire alarm goes off, the neighbours all go, yeah, there is Diana, cooking supper again.....

Tasted all right, with ketchup and lovely steamed green beans. Bron was at work, so just the two of us, done in about five min and then what? I said, let's play crib! When the kids were little, we used to play backgammon and crib every night after things settled down. But when the internet came in, that was the end of that. Now we spend ages each in front of our own computers. B killing monsters, Bron chatting, me emailing or scrabbling. modern life, huh?

So I decided to light a candle to kill the smell of burnt food before the kid came home, we started to play crib (which I had totally forgotten how to play and then the day that we were with Cait in emergency, an hour or two before she was released, I went and bought a tiny deck of cards and b and I tried to play on the end of her bed while she was asleep. I had forgotten how much fun it is) So we were just starting, Bron called for her ride home, and we tried to finish our hand and the power went out. So B went to fetch her, I went around lighting candles. Luckily he had already made a lovely fire that afternoon so the lr was fine to sit in. It was 15 degrees in there yesterday before he did that. -36 outside and god knows what with the wind chill. Anyway, with the fire going it was about 23 in the lr. So we were in shirts, actually Bron was hot from work, so went and put on a tank top!!!! I said, now you have to spend time with us, and she pointed out her laptop has a battery.... but she did indeed play a game of quiddler with us and talked. We discovered there had only been 7 of them in her class in school that day ( no busses) so they played chess for first class, followed by chinese checkers. In the afternoon, they did some kind of math puzzles.

Someone was telling me that there should be a provincial policy for school closures and I agree. Our school only closes if the water is broken. no water, no school. But -50 temp is okay. Anyway, I wonder if anything will change with these new school div? sometimes for a few min, I miss being on the board, but now things are all diff, so the urge passes. It is really just the curiosity factor, and of course, I do know who I can ask to find out stuff if I am really that curious. I was on there for a long time, did my bit.

Anyway Bron went down to use her laptop and go to bed. I called SPC to find out that the power was off in our area (eg. not the whole province or anything) and was expected to be on in about another hour and a half, which it was, almost to the minute. I wonder how they know these things? Unless things take a certain amt of time to reboot. I didn't even find any evidence on computer news this a.m. that thousands of people had been without power for three hours in very cold temps. I think it would have been very serious without the fireplace.

So today I am thankful for husbands who cut wood, inlaws who cut down the trees to supply it, and lots of lovely candles. It was a pleasant time. I wished I had a cup of tea, but that was about it. We played crib and after the power came back on (just after I lost, I might add) we made tea, had our usual junk food and an hour of Star trek, which is our current thing to watch together. Went off to lovely warm bed. I had been anticipating perhaps a long night, sleeping on an air mattress in the lr, tending the fire all night. There would have been a time when that would have been very romantic. Funny how things change. I still blame hormones.

I think my husband is very lucky to have a woman who loves him, even if he doesn't return that kind of love. We get along all right together, although I sense that after four days, he was getting a bit sick of having me around. We really should have done something useful, like cleaned the basement or something, having two unexpected days off. But it felt like a holiday, besides too cold down there to want to go down right now. I know we would have warmed up as soon as we started shifting things. I guess the hard part is, no place to shift stuff to. Could have cleaned the freezer, but that was definately unappealing. So pottered around a bit, he made cake one day, I made cookies the next. That was about as ambitious as it got. I found it to be quite nice, but I am glad to get back to normal today. Still flipping freezing. But I am sure b was fine on the way to work and will likely be fine tommorrow,although maybe more snow tommorrow coming. We have tickets tommorrow night and a long day of work before that, so who knows. Might not affect us much. Hope so.

Well i had best get something cooking in the crock pot for supper. Today I am thankful for electricity (and the fact that I was not in the middle of doing anything, like making supper and having to throw it out later, half cooked) and for cars that start and big fat winter gear that keeps you warm. I am thankful for running water and sunshine, which we have right now. I enjoy my work and will spend most of the day happily at it. I am thankful to have a teenager I can talk to, and an adult son who actually calls and wants to talk and thinks we are not bad parents (" could be worse, but i didn't want to say it that way") and a daughter who is feeling better, and probably had a good time last weekend with colleagues. Also for a mother in law who phones to see how we all are on a regular basis. Good role model for my kids, seeing their dad talk to his mum a lot. I won't be too smug, obviously things are not always perfect, but for now, things are pretty good. Just flippin ' freezin' outside!
D
p.s. also thankful for elliptical machines that let one exercise indoors and for James Taylor and good music. Life is good.

softly falling snow

Hey I promise not to go on and on, mostly because last night I sent a few emails that were like novels. Must be feeling better because the night before last I couldn't even read a long email never mind send one. I realized on Sunday that I still felt really tired and lethargic, so decided to call in sick on Monday and go to dr. Got up Mon. a.m. and made dr. appt, felt icky and dizzy so went back to bed, got up at 10:30 a.m. had a bath etc. Eating lunch seemed like an effort. Felt tired all the way to the dr. office (B home on his EDO, thank goodness, not sure if I could have driven, which felt weird given that I haven't felt really ill. I have gone about my business with terrible colds, raging sinus infections and here I am with no visible symptoms, just lethargic etc.) I mean, I have been driving him nuts, wondering if this is all in my head or what! All I know is that I felt terrible on my way to the dr.'s, also while waiting for her to come in. She told me pretty much what I already knew (not infected, which is what B thought but I was sure it wasn't) a virus, clogging up my ear tube, making me dizzy. She told me to get some Dristan decongestant spray, which is something I never use. I used it in the car and have felt pretty decent ever since....Makes me wonder if any of it was in my head or if the stuff actually helped. I always figured I never use those sprays right. seem to be in the back of my throat rather than up my nose....

Anyway decided to take today off also, because when you go back you are never as good as you think you are at home. It is like that in hosp too, you think you are feeling fine, let me out already, and then you go home and you are not really fine yet.... I just wasn't sure I could cope with driving and also working a whole day. Tommorrow I work here, and it is not a whole day. Plus not till afternoon. I seem to feel better in the afternoon. I think that is how Bron was too, when she had her cold. I have just felt like such a faker, taking a whole week off for a two day headcold. Obviously it is more than that, the whole ear thing making me dizzy, not sure about the lethargic part, maybe it really is just part of the virus. B was ready to kill me these last couple days going on and on how I am not sick. I just didn't feel well.....(as opposed to feeling sick) Didn't feel like talking to anyone, or thinking about anything. Tried to do some bits of housework and get back to normal, but didn't do much. Today I am trying to be a bit more normal although I still plan to log in several hours of Coronation St.

It's so weird, I always thought if I had some sick days, I would watch all the movies I wanted, read all the magazines piled up. Usually if I am home sick, I am too sick to do those things. Even now, I did manage to read a book and a few magazines, but not much more than usual. I have, however, caught up to Christmas 07 on Coronation St. Just a year behind, which means about 5 months behind in the tapes I get Dad to make for me. I have to admit, it has been fun. At first, I missed having the kids watching too. For years, I watched alone, when I did housework, then somewhere along the line, the last 5 yrs maybe, David and Bron started watching, I suppose when there were good teenage storylines. Now, I think Bron finds it boring and she is busy anyway and of course David isn't here anymore. I wish he would come home for awhile and watch Heroes season 1 DVD's with me. I watched half of the season on tv all by myself, with Bron or B listening in or leaning in sometimes. Seems I watch most things by myself anymore. All I can interest B in is old shows we have seen many times before, Hogan's Heroes, allo allo, Babylon 5. I enjoy them too, but am looking forward to starting Deep Space Nine when we finish Bab 5 this time around. We used to watch religiously, then we moved and never caught up. I have seen endings but not middles. Thank goodness for tv series on DVD, has made my life so much easier. Last night when Medium was on (another favorite) the phone rang just when the climax to the show was, so of course, missed it. B reminded me I could catch the end on another channel later, but of course I forgot. The dish really was a big improvement over the antenna, the time shifting feature allows me to catch shows later in the evening when I am home. But you still have to remember! Wheras the season on DVD's lets you go back and rewatch bits you missed or whatever. Bron and i are still watching Gilmore Girls, but not now, exam time. We hardly see her. Maybe five min grand total all day. She did eat lunch with me today, but mostly behind a book. I was surprised, she usually turns on the tv for lunch. I tried some conversation but she really wasn't interested. I guess I should think myself lucky. She has spent more teenage time with me than I did with my Mum I think, and probably more than her sibs... I have to face the facts that she is in gr. 11 and I have a year and a half left and she will be so out of here. I had always wondered if she would stick close to home for maybe another year, but I don't think she is thinking that way. I think she wants to be off and travelling and discovering herself and what she wants to do. The other two were always so set in what their interests were, not sure whether that is good or bad. I mean, I always wanted to do what I do. It was my goal, and I achieved it and I am happy. Cait seems happy in her life and David too. I mean, what more can you ask of life? I think maybe we should always be demanding more, after all, it speeds by so fast. I can hardly believe I am on the slope going down. Seems I was just on the up-side.

I think you have to take a certain amount of enjoyment in every stage and every place that you are at. Otherwise, you miss out. Today I am thankful that the snow is falling in big flakes, straight down, no wind. Last week was so freaky in the whiteout. I would have never made it home. I find myself getting more easily freaked out by things in this age, even though I feel more competant than I did when I was younger. Not sure what that is about. It seems I let anxieties get to me more easily. Or maybe I just recognize them easier?

Yesterday, the sun came out, but it was really windy, luckily not much snow to blow around on the road to the dr. Glad I am not driving this week, just don't feel very confident right now. I know I am feeling better today, woke up and started making lists, didn't go back to sleep. Didn't even read long. It is still so dark in the bedroom in the a.m. Doesn't seem to get light till about halfway through the am. even though I know that the last time I worked till 6, it wasn't quite dark when I left work!

The fact that I am making a list of things to do today shows me I feel a lot better, even than yesterday. Seems I couldn't even think, didn't want to think. I just wonder how much of that was trying to deny all the work I have to do. Here and at work, mountains of it. I have only really worked for a week this Jan. so far and the work is piling up thick and fast. Maybe the lethargy had something to do with that. Now I have to extend my deadlines, whether I like it or not. Can't help being sick, right? Makes me wonder how much of our life is really controlled by the brain. Or, on the flip side, I had a virus and now I am feeling better.....

okay this is spiralling out of control. I have already forgotten what I intended to post, because I stopped for lunch when Bron came home. So I am going to wind this up with being thankful for a husband, who may not love me in the way I wish to be loved, but cares for me all the same. Perhaps as he would anyone who lived in his house, but still, doing his best. I am thankful to have kids who all seem to be relatively healthy at the moment and relatively happy I think. I am thankful to have a cat for company, even though she has been ignoring me the whole time I was sick. And is now acting very demanding, but for what, who knows. She seems to be much healthier also. I really thought she was going to die this fall, but she seems to be doing okay for a 16 year old cat. (80 in people yrs according to vet) I am thankful for parents, who also seem to be doing okay so far. Life is still in a comfort zone. Somedays I wonder when the next transition will be. Other days, I am just grateful nothing has happened yet. Ever the eternal optomist/pessimist sharing the same body. Guess I am just the fretful type. Trying to make the best of things, but always worried about it.

okay really am blithering now, time to go do something productive. D

not so much fun thus far

Well, here I am sitting up at the computer. For the first time in several days, the sitting up, and the at computer part. I am going back to work in an hour and thought it might be a plan to see if I am able...I have a headcold, which prevented me from working the last two days due to fairly constant sneezing and dripping. Today I feel it is settled into my sinuses, so non-drippy, but I still feel rather odd. No energy to speak of. Going to be fun getting through the afternoon, thank god only four hours, and close to home.

All though Dec. I was so worried I would pick up a cold or flu that was going around, and wreck my birthday or my work plans or Xmas prep or whatever, so I tried not to get run down, took vitamins. Over the hols, I relaxed, slept more, didn't eat vitamins on the theory that we were eating lots of healthy foods (along with everything else!) and didn't need them. Didn't bother going back to that after getting back to work about ten days ago, and have felt wretched ever since.

Firstly, On Jan. 6, early a.m., I heard Cait throwing up. Thought instantly of food poisoning as we had been for Chinese food the night before, on her last night home. But no one else got sick. She seemed to be over the diarrhea and throwing up, just weak and pale, when it was time to go to the airport, so we went. Worried a bit, but not seriously. Then after checking in at the airport (luckily her flight was delayed, or she might have been through security and we might have been gone) she felt worse, and realized she couldn't fly home. So Bruce took her passport and documents and went to see what he could do about changing her flight, while I was sitting with her and planning to go to the mediclinic or emergency. Then Caitlin said she was going to pass out, and I believe she did lose consciousness very briefly on me, but came to and said she had to go to the bathroom, so I grabbed our stuff and her and headed for the bathroom. It was not that far, but across a tile floor at the top of the escalators where all the passengers come to get to security. It wasn't more than a few seconds and she went down, like a sack of potatoes. I went down too, and managed to get under her at least, so she wouldn't smack her head on the tiles. I think that was more luck than anything. I started to babble and nearly cry. People gathered round, a nice young man said he was a guard ( I assumed lifeguard, but could be any kind) and started doing the things I recognized from first aid. You have to realize that I refused to re-certify as this type of thing freaks me out. But at least I knew what he was doing. Another lady came and hugged me as I started to cry. A West Jet personell came and started helping as well. I told someone that B was down at the NW counter, so they went and fetched him. He had already altered her flight and someone was pulling her luggage off that plane. I can't get over how many helpful people, both ordinary people and staff at the airport were so good to us. The airport first responder (firefighter from the look of him and his gear) came quickly with his helper and got her to a little room on a gurney. EMS had been called and all along I was not worried. AFter all, we are in Canada, no hideous surprise charges here. I was just so glad it was here and not in Minneapolis, or even on the other side of security where she could have passed out and hit her head.

Anyway to make a long story short, we were in emerg for about 5 hours or so, mostly her in a hallway on one side of the barrier, awaiting one of the two drs. and us on the other side, waiting, not so patiently. It is freaky in that little waiting room, everyone cheek by jowl with people bleeding, coughing, etc. sick babies and so forth, although I think half the people were waiting for the people on the inside, as we were. We handled it for about an hour, and then Tim sent Cait a message and her phone started beeping. We had turned off our phones but couldn't figure out how to turn hers off. Finally I asked the person at the registration desk and she knew right away and was also relieved at now knowing where the beeping was coming from. Then we went outside to the car to call Tim and all the folks. wanted to know if anyone else was sick from the night before. Bruce hadn't eaten at all that day, and I had only had toast in the a.m., so we went to the car and B had a mini choc bar and I had a fruit bar from my purse. You don't want to eat when someone in the house is sick, in case you are next.....

so we spent most of our time pacing around inside hallways or outside, couldn't go back to sitting in that creepy waiting room. By suppertime, she was in a little bed in the back and we could go sit with her. it was very hot in there. I couldn't handle the heat and had to go out for awhile, went to the gift shop and bought a little deck of cards. By this time, Cait had seen the dr. and they were giving her gravol, so she was asleep. So B and I started to play cards and then she woke up and was going to play. We knew she would get sent home once the dr. came and then after the gravol was done. This was all about timing, I guess. If she had been that sick, we wouldn't have tried to go to the airport in the first place. Either way, I Guess it would have been stressful. I had the wrong cell number for Tim but of course B knew what to do, phoned his mum and got the right number. What will we ever do without her, I wonder.

Anyway, more in this long story....She came home, had clear fluids, laid around the next day. Bruce had gotten her a flight for the day after, and she left. We got the message she was home safe and fine. Then I called her the next day and found out she had gotten sick again and was home, had seen a mediclinic dr. and had lots of tests, and was sent home with the flu, some extra strength meds for nausea and diarrhea. Couldn't see her new dr. as she was a new patient and they are not taking appts for those till mid- March! I hate the U. S. system! Ours is good but exceedingly slow due to lack of staff. Theirs is good if you have money. No one seems happy except for the Scandanavians, very heavily taxed but very heavily looked after! We seem to be going downhill in a handbasket.

I talked to her on Sat. and she was still sick. But she felt better that night and was back to work on Tuesday I believe. Lost ten lbs. eating everything she could, particularly mashed potatoes and protein. not sweets. I myself came home from work shortly after I got to work on Friday, felt weird, icky. I think I must have had a touch of it, felt dizzy and faintly nauseous. I think because of the flu shot, protected mostly. I recall once when B got his flu shot and I didn't, when the flu came around, I was lying on the bathroom floor sick as a dog, and he felt mildly ill. So I think the flu shot if a very good thing, for us at least. We seem to be prone to the flu here.

Bronwyn had a cold last week but I hadn't been worried. She may have caught it from Cait who had a bit of a cold when she got here. I suppose she was run down and caught this flu. I just can't figure out where she got it from, we were all in the same places at the same times. mostly around the house or farm. I have a theory that you build up resistance to germs where you live, and when you go away, you can fall prey to unfamiliar germs. I have seen that happen with people who move, they spend the first year, sick all the time. Of course, some of that is likely due to stress etc. We are very complicated beings, in some ways.

Anyway, in spite of hardly seeing Bron last week because I was back to work after my holiday, I managed to catch that cold germ from her. I hope today is not coughing day, as it hurts when I cough and besides, that really puts people off.. I have become a firm believer in not dragging yourself to work when you are sick, even though I have often done so. People don't need sickies around, don't want to get sick themselves. And it prolongs the agony. I am sure I am somewhat better today because I have done nothing for two whole days except rest and drink fluids. Managed to watch ten hours of Coronation St. Had no trouble at all just lying still. I am usually kind of restless when I sit with idle hands, but not today or the past couple of days, managed to read my book, have a bath and watch tv and sleep and that is it. Usually if I am home, sick, I try to get some other things done, but obviously my brain is not up to it this time. I tried to play a game of computer scrabble last night, I did win, but it was really hard to concentrate. so I quit after one game....I don't often do that.

I suppose I had best go get changed for work and drag myself off. I don't think I am too contagious, but I am still tired. or weary or something. lethargic. Can't wait for the evening when I can come home and fall over. Thank goodness I have the weekend off, because next week is a very busy one. This was meant to be the first week of programming after Xmas and I missed a couple of important ones, but I know people would not have wanted me sneezing all over them.

I am very grateful for daughters who serve soup, husbands who make nice crackly warm fires, and who are not afraid to drink tea in the same room with me, mothers in law who give warm fleecy robes,and understanding co-workers. The cat has been ignoring me while I have been sick, not sure what to make of that. Usually if I am on the couch or in bed, she is there too, but not now. She is currently snugly curled up on my nice warm recently vacated bed. lucky feline.

I am even grateful for her presence, even so. I am feeling very lonely here all alone for days at a time. Even though I am lousy company. Okay, time to go get looking half decent and get to work. People will be waiting for their books...!
D