Okay it is venting time! I had a relatively non-productive day at work and I am tired but that is not why I am upset. First of all, I come home tired and hungry and become instantly crabby because it is apparent that no one has done a chore, and furthermore there are undone ones from yesterday. So that makes the husband cranky. Cranky man equals cranky woman. Okay ,so fine. I make supper and he does some dishes as I trip over the unputaway groceries that have been in the middle of the floor for 24 hours. I make a nice table, nice food and call the critters who eventually come. Husband proceeds to shovel food in and be totally non-verbal. Daughter wants permission to do something questionable but husband will not offer any words at all., will not even look up and acknowledge that he was spoken to. Fine. So then family wants to know about a cake that was made yesterday by husband. wife doesn't know if any is for family or where it even is. (wife has requested two dozen pieces for library fundraising event tommorrow)(husband did some baking last night, but wife does not know which is for family, if any) Husband replies with his usual " How should I know?" which drives wife crazy as he is only one who made or put away said cake. Husband vanishes, wife grumbles at lazy children who do not seem to realize that mother is not put on planet to clean up after grown children. MOther makes usual speech about everyone lives here, makes mess and has to help clean mess. Son stomps off and slams door. Daughter follows. Mother finishes meal alone, talking to cat. So much for family meal ( a rare occurance these days obviously), so much for discussing important family issues, so much for any help whatsoever. Mother decides she and cat should move out. Mother knows better. This is not an unusual occurance unfortunately. I can understand why people go to work, life at home is much more difficult. Maybe I should email memos to family members, like co-workers, except that I know they would get just as ignored. I can see why people kick their kids out. the Frustration level is enormous!!!! But of course, I would miss them. I like their company, when we are doing pleasant things. Somehow I have screwed up the mothering thing in the past few years, because they seem to think they don't have to do unpleasant things. My only comfort is that they will find out one day for themselves what life is about. I hated chores too, but i did them. I find the whole thing ironic, I spent three hours in a meeting this afternoon about parenting skills and literacy for families adn so on, and I felt quite smug, I obviously did the right things when it came to literacy--my kids all became intelligent, educated, fairly well-rounded people. They are just lacking the skills of living communally. My son has always been the kind who cleans up after himself, but feels no need to lift a finger about anything anyone else has done, or any communal cleaning. I am still waiting for the bathroom to get cleaned after a week. My daughter has always used any opportunity to skive off. as the youngest she knows if she waits long enough, someone else will get fed up and do it. So the daughter tried to just take off for a walk with a friend but I managed to head her off and lo and behold, the food got put away....Now if I could only motivate son. Son really didn't want to come home for the summer, and I know it is a trial to live in the family home after leaving home. But of course, it is the affordable alternative for the summer. It is hard to treat someone like an adult when they are acting like a kid. Boy do I recall how hard it was to live at home after leaving home. Hard for parents not to be so parental. However, I think I am justified. When you live with someone, you owe them chores, nothing above and beyond is being asked for. Simple housekeeping chores. somehow it was better when they were little. I think it is the oldest one who kept them in line because I sure can't. I have the feeling that no one, including husband,with the exception of the cat, hears a word I say, and she doesn't pay attention either, but I expect that of a cat. Cats are selfish. They do what they like when they like. I think I should have had cats. Then I wouldn't be feeling so angry and disappointed right now. I realize that with the joys of having a family come the disappointments also. I realize that I have three wonderful children, who are amazing to talk to and be with. In many ways I am very proud, but maybe we just can't live together without driving each other nuts. I will bawl my eyes out when the youngest is gone. I enjoy her so much when I get the chance. I am used to the other two living their lives without me now. Boy is it weird, only a short time ago they were all little and hanging on my legs. Seemed I would never have a minute to myself. Now that is all I have. I can understand why one of my friends took a part time job after her day job was done, as no one was home or they were asleep. Mind you, I can think of a million things to do when I am alone. My mother taught me how not to be bored, and I just am not bored. I guess that is what the lady today called a value. How you teach your kids the values you have (eg. if a kid steals a candy and you value honesty you will deal with it accordingly, but if you don't, you say" where's mine?why didn't you steal two?) ) This lady had her house burgled by a young man with a 3rd grade reading level. He was the thief, the parents were the fences. It was their family business. I expect he didn't know any better....That is an obvious value, but we were discussing family values such as behaviour in public and so on. Well I have to say my kids were honest and well behaved in public. I suppose if they didn't learn to live neatly with other people that is not the worst defect they could have. But I live in wait for when the youngest tries to live with other people. Roomates and spouses are not the same as parents you can blow off. It can make life difficult unless you find someone the same. Who knows. Maybe that will happen. I just know that right now I feel like I have failed in a major way. Another woman who has the same kind of kids, feels the same as I do, that it was working part time that did it. Parents who work full time seem to raise kids who know you have to all pull together (having said that my mother was a stay at home mother but we all pulled together when it was time).
Okay well now that I am done venting, you can skip to the end, right? I just needed to tell someone how incredibly frustrated i am right now. ( so yeah, post it on the web for the world to see-how dumb is that? But maybe someone will run across is and realize she is not alone--I think this generation is incredibly selfish. ) There is an article in the May readers digest on the children of hte baby boomers and I was surprised to find it very accurate. Maybe someone will study this phenomena someday. It has probably happened before (I am thinking of the children of European noble families in the past century) I am pretty sure it is not new. You would think we would learn from our mistakes but I have a theory that we don't quite live long enough. We don't seem to be passing our knowledge to the next generation or two and then they are doomed to repeat our mistakes. Or maybe it is the human condition to ignore good advice and forge on and make our own mistakes. I can't help feeling sorry for the next couple of generations. I can't help but think we let our parents generation down. Okay, off I go to do the dishes. Husband is mowing jungle lawn. Good way to vent anger and so forth, I suppose. But usually he just seems more frustrated when he gets done. I hate lawnmowers. I keep saying we should plan Dutch clover, it stays green, needs no mowing, stays short, looks nice, doesn't need all the care of grass. I can't understand why we plant grass for lawns we don't use. It always need tending and then when it grows, we have to mow the @#$%^ stuff! does this make sense? NO, but that is a rant for another day. Take care, D